Hangovers, regret and the way forward...

DAY 10, 26/10/2011

Ten days. Double figures. That was easy.

 Having said that I think the fresh memories of the last hangover I endured 10 days ago probably made it easy. It was terrible, nightmarish and something I’m not keen on repeating anytime soon.

After crashing out at around 11:30 on the Sunday evening I woke up around three hours later, my head pounding and guts spinning. It was bad, waves of regret and self loathing washed over me as the same thought ran through my mind over and over – YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN. Over the next six hours I tried to silence my mind and get back to sleep but the voice wouldn’t quieten down, it wanted to be heard, it wanted me to learn the lesson I had chosen to ignore over the last 20 years: one night on the piss is fine, two nights is pushing it and three nights is just plain stupid.

I’m not entirely sure why I’ve pushed myself to these limits time and again during my adult life, I suppose I always thought “Fuck it! You feel like shit now, why not get back on it and feel better?” What I tend to forget at these times is that the relief is temporary; oblivion is a realm from which you are bound to return and all too soon it’s the morning again and time to face the consequences of your decisions...

I suppose that’s what I’m trying to achieve over the next 100 days, to try and wrestle control of the part of my subconscious mind that says “Fuck it” in those moments. It has never taken much too convince me that another drink is a good idea, I’ve always been a willing drinking buddy for any of my mates who happen to have a bit of a thirst on!

I think I’ve always lived like that, stumbling through life making decisions on the fly with little thought of the consequences. I’ve always been an impulsive person; if something felt good then in all likelihood I was going to end up doing it. You might be thinking that that sounds like a pretty good way to live life and in some regards you’re right! Although I’m starting to form the opinion that It all hangs on whether the decisions you make have a positive effect in the long term.

So that’s what I’m trying to do, make a decision that has a positive long term effect on my life. Sounds easy right? We’ll see.  It’s easy for now whilst the memories of a long night in the Stratford Holiday Inn are still fresh in my mind. I have a feeling, however, that over the next few weeks a freshly poured pint with a foaming head and condensation running down the glass is going to look more tempting than a naked Scarlett Johansson covered in honey holding a large suitcase filled with unmarked £20 notes...